but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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