You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
