I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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