Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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