perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
