Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
