her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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