i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
