There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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