do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Even my vagina gasped.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
His nipple licking is glorious
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