I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
