but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
