What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
