I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
