Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this will be a night to untag.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
