i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Terrible idea I love it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
