Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
