My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
