Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
