Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
