I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
