life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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