just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
