sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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