Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
