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Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i have herpe
just one?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
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