I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime