i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM