i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?