Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
