Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
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she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early