After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
