this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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