I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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