pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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