Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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