Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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