I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Where is the hickey?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
