i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
