I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
