its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
