I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
