yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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