"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
