did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
