You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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