i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I supernannyed him into submission
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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