God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
