I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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