At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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