sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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