i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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