Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
