Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
