i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
