There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Help. Why am I so naked?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
