Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If that was your dad, he is hot
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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