I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
