I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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