You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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