I looked at my own cervix.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
