Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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