This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
