just survived the first fart of the relationship.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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