I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
