Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
