Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
