I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
