I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
