hotel room ftw
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize