From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
