i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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