Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
