if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
