I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
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