Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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