I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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