Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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