Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
