That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
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He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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