I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
